Coping with Change

Debilitating fear of change is a recognised phobia called metathesiophobia.

As a diagnosed condition, this phobia often causes sufferers to avoid changing their circumstances in any way, and can have serious impacts on their lifestyle. This is a medical concern which requires proper treatment, but a certain level of fear surrounding change is actually natural, even evolutionary.

The essence of fearing change is often about control.

We have a fundamental desire to control our circumstances and the world around us, in order to protect our safety and to get a desired outcome from any situation. It’s also key to our confidence and sense of self.

Verywellmind.com quotes clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Phd, saying:

“When we choose to create a change, such as moving to a new home or shifting jobs, we feel more in control of the outcome. If the change is brought about by forces outside of our control, whether a boss, a pandemic or an accident, we feel disempowered.”

From prehistoric man to modern day, humans have learned that the known is preferable to the unknown. In a known environment where you are aware of your food sources and your immediate threats for example, survival is more assured.

Our modern fear surrounding change however, is often connected to fear of unwanted things such as failure, loss, impacting others, or even fear of success - which isn’t so uncommon.

The Big Question: Is fear of change all bad?

There are two fundamental types of fear: Constructive and destructive.

Constructive fear alerts us to real danger or unwanted consequences and guides us back to safety. In this sense, a fear of change could be your intuition telling you to protect what you currently have.

Destructive fear, on the other hand, holds us back. 

This is when instinct alerts us to a non-existent threat where our brains wrongly identify danger. 

For example, fear of moving to a new job or new home. Neither of these are truly threatening, and are likely to have more positive effects than negative ones. 

However, when faced with an unknown, the brain can latch on to worst case scenarios and then warns us of a threat that isn’t there.

This leads to overly cautious behaviour, including staying in routines that are not good for us, saying no to opportunities, and missing out on adventure…

Like most things, fear can be both good and bad. It can spur us onwards, keeping us moving and creative, or it can cause inertia and problematic stress.

So what’s the key to finding the happy medium? We’ve compiled five strategies that anyone can integrate into their routine at times of overwhelming change, whether at work or in your personal life.

Grab that Comfort Blanket.

What’s your most comforting habit? How do you treat yourself to a bit of R&R, TLC or self love? 

Be it reading a book, meditating, a warm bath, a long walk, cooking a delicious meal, times of stressful change can often push these precious tactics off the agenda, but that’s also when they are most needed!

Go back to the drawing board of your schedule and ensure you are carving out sufficient time to integrate these comforts into the week, they will boost your mood, balance out stress and allow you to approach change more optimistically.

Get Prepped.

Planning ahead is one of our tried and true ways of safeguarding against stress. 

Put a safety net beneath that high wire of life when you expect to be particularly off balance.

Say you’re coming up for a promotion; before it happens, think about how that will affect your routine, your time, what you might sacrifice, and who you will reach out to for support. This way you won’t have to answer those questions when you’re in the thick of that new routine.

Suppose you’re moving to a new country in a few weeks or months… 

Get ready now!

There are practicalities to research and put in place in advance to save you stress down the line. Talk to someone who has been through the process about realistic expectations. Have conversations with loved ones with whom your relationships are about to become long-distance; discuss how you’re going to cope, a plan to keep in touch, what you’ll need from each other and how to provide it.

Self awareness.

Reflection is something we modern folk have increasingly neglected over the years, but the recent rise in popularity of mindfulness tactics like journaling and meditation show that we need to spend time with our thoughts.

Unravelling them, accepting them, and considering how you can change the negative ones, are the first steps toward overcoming stress and conquering change without fear.

The adage "a problem clearly stated is a problem half done" teaches that when we reflect, we gain clarity, and begin to move toward a solution.

Old Reliable.

Have you ever been in the midst of a big challenge, a time of uncertainty or some type of loss that turns your world upside down, and heard the advice ‘You’ve got to maintain some normalcy’?

It can seem out of the question, when we are overwhelmed with a difficult life event, to go through the motions of ‘normal’ life as if nothing were happening. But extreme change can induce feelings of chaos and being ‘untethered’.

Our normal routines are an easy way to tether us back to who we are and what we can rely on. So no matter what’s happening, try to get up at your normal time, go to work or school, cook dinner and spend time with loved ones.

Remember that the foundations of normality, whatever that means to you, can be a blessing to fall back on.

A Pinch of Gratitude.

Harvard Health states that ‘In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.’

We can be quite blasé these days about the power of gratitude. Often when a practice becomes widely popular we see it as a fad and doubt it’s effectiveness. I’m referring to the mindset that ‘Writing down “I saw a pretty sunset today” is not going to solve my problems…’

However, keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking a moment to reflect on the highlights of our day or things we take for granted, can build positive habits that redirect our focus away from challenging or overwhelming change.