Emotional Barometers and your ‘Inner Weather’.
Last time someone asked, ‘How are you?’
You probably said ‘Fine’, right?
The thing is with ‘fine’, it doesn’t really mean anything. We say it because identifying how we really feel in that moment, much less expressing it, is hard. ‘Fine’ is easier.
Have you ever heard of an emotional barometer?
It’s a tool often used in schools; there’s a wheel with an arrow to select options. In the centre you write the emotion word - happy, sad, angry – then use the arrow to choose the intensity of the feeling, from ‘a little bit’ to ‘Too much’.
The aim is to help children develop the skills of sensing, identifying, and expressing their emotions. Sounds like something adults could use some help with too, doesn’t it?
That’s exactly why emotional barometers for grown ups exist too. By using them we too can ‘develop greater emotional literacy’. They take a slightly different form, with a wide range of emotion words to choose from, which themselves indicate the intensity of the feeling; think of the difference between annoyed and enraged.
These are more sophisticated and nuanced emotion words and concepts better grasped by us grown-ups. Serenity. Admiration. Disapproval. Grief.
We’ve actually become used to using various forms of emotional barometer in daily life, from Facebooks ‘say how you’re feeling’ status feature, to ‘rate your pain’ tools used in hospitals, which express the level of distress we’re in. Ever searched an app for an emoji to send to a friend, and found yourself typing ‘exasperated’ or ‘nervous’ into your phone? Another great example of emotional barometers in daily life helping us to identify and articulate how we feel.
There are also such things as a mood meter, anxiety thermometer and other tools. It’s said that ‘feelings’ are actually the result of complex combinations of ‘emotions’ which are finite values. But here, I leave the science to the scientists.
The question I’m interested in is, why ‘barometer’, ‘thermometer’, why this language of weather?
The concept of ‘Inner Weather’ is as old as the hills, constantly updated and refreshed by contemporary thinkers. Take this quote by popular author Matt Haig:
“Minds have their own weather systems. You are in a hurricane. Hurricanes run out of energy eventually. Hold on”
We are good at attaching emotions to the weather; ‘a raging storm’, ‘a calm sea’.
These natural phenomena are like visual and sensory manifestations of emotions, perhaps because they mimic the thoughts in our heads, chaotic and loud like a storm, or gentle and rhythmic as the waves.
The key thing about this metaphor is that we have no control over the weather, and we readily accept that. Emotions, even the negative ones, are natural. Sometimes the distress we experience can come from our struggle to control them, or from repressing them.
“I had to learn very quickly to look further and understand that I am not capable of controlling the weather, to exercise the art of patience and to respect the fury of nature”
Once we accept that our inner weather is as natural and as far beyond our control as the regular forecast is, even major life events can be reframed and made easier.
If emotions are weather, think of life as coming in seasons. Just as we get more rain in winter, heat in summer, many of us may experience a higher concentration or frequency of certain emotions in certain periods of our lives. For instance, more frustration, boredom, or accomplishment at a certain stage in our education or career. More safety, or vulnerability, even heartbreak during or after a relationship that defines one chapter. More contentment, pride, maybe stress and responsibility when we become parents.
Every chapter, or season, comes with both good and bad. It’s helpful to accept and be prepared for this. Embracing the unknown can be very liberating.
Moreover, this is a reassuring and affirming mindset. Whatever negatives you are going through now are likely to end or change as this particular season comes to a close; knowing that the positives will evolve and change too reminds us not to take them for granted.
Periods of great change are emotionally difficult, that’s why moving house is statistically voted one of the most stressful things we experience.
Considering an upcoming change, a new job, breakup, wedding, even reaching a big life goal, as the end of one chapter and the start of a new one, can remind us to do two things:
Check in with ourselves. Know that you may be excited or trepidatious about what’s to come, as well as relieved to be rid of what came before, or grieving for what has ended. All at once. If you’re going through change: it’s emotionally demanding, so go easy on yourself.
Develop some strategy. If we can look at our upcoming season and identify the Inner weather likely to come with it, we can set in place some healthy ways of coping. Like counteracting increased stress with grounding routines, or increased isolation by scheduling in time and ways to connect with people.
It’s all brain weather. Sometimes it rains. But an umbrella – that’s being prepared for it.